rest now, it is over

i can no longer feel helpless, for if i am helpless than what was he ? were his last breaths filled with exuberance or gasps of pain ? a creature so small with a heart so big, he did not deserve to suffer. i know that if he had not come to me, his life would have been a few weeks shorter.. and herein lies the root of all my guilt. i do not know if his time with me was happy. and i do not know if my disappearance caused him to die of a broken heart. there is always something different to be done in hindsight, but i can't see. "regret is for those who have earned the right to look back on the past. all i have is shame."